


I queerplatonically love you

by tinyace



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: 12 Days of Carmilla, Christmas Drabbles, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, starts with angst ends in fluff!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 19:23:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2784836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyace/pseuds/tinyace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day 4 - Mistletoe: Perry has a hard time identifying how she loves LaFontaine. The fact that someone put up mistletoes everywhere in the dorm isn’t making it any easier for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I queerplatonically love you

**Author's Note:**

> In this drabble I headcanon Perry as aromantic-asexual. Even though I ship LaFerry in the show romantically (and headcanon the shizzle out of demiromantic-asexual!Perry) for the purpose of this drabble she will be aro-ace.

When Perry encouraged the floor to decorate their entire dorm to spread the Holiday-spirit she didn’t count on someone hanging up mistletoes all around the place. She has to surpass at least ten of them between her room and the front door. If someone is just thirsty for kisses or wants to be a giant troll to the entire floor – she isn’t sure. Her first reaction was to get rid of them, but the mistletoes had quickly spread a very positive buzz among the students. When people meet under it they encourage each other to either hug or kiss each other on the cheek. She simple cannot swipe that positivity out of the door, now can she? But now she is afraid to step outside the room, in case she meets LaFontaine under the mistletoe.

 

Don’t get her wrong – she loves LaFontaine with all her heart. And since they are technically dating it would be traditional to kiss. _Like an actual real kiss_. And it’s just that she really doesn’t want to kiss them. Not like that at least. Is that a bad thing? Is that normal? She definitely loves LaFontaine more than just friends. She always had in a way, even when they were little. She always had pictured their lives together, but not specifically in the romantic sense. Just two life partners who snuggle a lot and nap together without thinking twice about it. But ever since their relationship has taken a slightly more romantic course she has had this feeling she cannot explain. It wasn’t as if LaFontaine wasn’t a good kisser or anything. It’s just that Perry prefers it if they could keep it to hugging. They had always respected her choice to not have sex. Maybe someday, she always said. But now that she doesn’t even want to kiss them anymore, could they even call it dating? Not that even explicitly say they are dating, but they know they love each other.  Ugh. Why is this so complicated?

“Is everything okay, Perr?”

They are in their dorm room. LaFontaine is studying on their bed, while Perry is cleaning their room for the third time this week.

“Yes. Why?” she says tensely as she turns around towards them.

“Nothing” LaF mumbles.

Perry knows she hurts them. That she pushes them away. But how could she possibly say..?

“I need more bleach”, she says.

Their room has been smelling like bleach for the past few days now. They really don’t need _more_ bleach. LaFontaine even starts wondering if the amount of bleach in this room would be considered toxic.

“I’m going to the store.”

“Cool!” they say enthusiastically as they slip their feet into their shoes. “I was thinking we could go by –“

“Alone” she emphasizes a bit too fiercely.

“Oh yeah. Sure. Of course”, they press their lips together and get back on the bed again. “I need to prepare some more for an experiment tomorrow anyway.”

They always go to the store together. They also always leave the room together in the morning, but Perry has been secretly slipping out of the room all week. She just can’t handle the mistletoe-situation. How could she possibly convince LaFontaine that she still loves them, but not really romantically? Sort of. She looks at LaF’s back and really wants to say how much she cares for them. That she doesn’t wants to hurt them. But she doesn’t know how. Without saying another word she leaves their room. She cries the entire way to the store.

 

The following day it seems for a moment like nothing had happened yesterday.

“Hey Perr, for my bio-class we need to read a German piece, and there is no translation available. Could you help me out?”

“Of course” she says as she leans over their shoulder, looking for the text.

“No, we need to go to the library, there is only one copy available.”

“The l-library?”

LaF raises an eyebrow. “Yes… Is something wrong with that?”

“No! Of course not. I just realized I have to do this, ehm, paper for this class tomorrow. But maybe JP can help you out?”

Perry never forgets a paper due. LaFontaine knows this.

“Yeah. I mean, I could ask JP. The library is basically his home anyway.”

Without glancing to Perry they get the USB on the desk and silently leave the room.

 

At night LaFontaine rolls over to Perry’s side of the bed and put an arm over her chest. Perry feels all fuzzy and warm inside. She really wants to hug LaFontaine back. Embrace their warmth, but something starts crawling into her chest. This gnashing feeling of shattered trust. She gives a pat on LaF’s hand.

“I’m sorry, sweetie, I don’t feel so well,” she whispers.

“Okay.”

LaFontaine removes their hand and turns back to the other side of the bed again. Perry closes her eyes as she tries not to make any sound while sobbing. She silently cries herself to sleep like that. She loathes herself so much.

 

They have been avoiding each other for six days now. LaFontaine spends most of their time in the library and Perry tries to distract herself with student crisis. When they talk it’s very formal and briefly. It’s probably the worst place they have ever been in together.

Perry leaves her room when LaFontaine is still gone. She needs to go get some groceries before the store closes. She walks down the stairway and counts down how many mistletoes she has to walk by. Only eight more days until Christmas would be over, and the first thing she would do that morning is getting rid off all these stupid mistletoes. It has been pretty quiet in the hallways though. She assumes because everybody is studying for finals. When she walks through the front door she accidentally bumps into someone. Perry lets out a gasp when she realizes it is LaF.

“Oh wow hey – lovely to see you too, Perr” they say offended.

They shake their head and pass along her. Perry can’t handle it anymore. The last thing she wants is to cause LaF pain.

“No S- LaFontaine, wait!”

She runs after them and grabs their hand.

“What?” LaFontaine turns around and shakes off Perry’s hand.

They fight their tears and anger as their voice breaks down. “What is it, Perry? You have been blocking me out of your life all week long. And I don’t know what I did wrong. Or what I did or said to upset you. But clearly I did _something_ , and you don’t even give me a chance to fix it.” 

She shakes her head and waves heavily with her hands. “No! You didn’t do anything wrong! I just... It’s… These stupid mistletoes!” she points at one at the ceiling.

LaFontaine has the most puzzled look on their face.

“What?”

“You see. Since these things are hanging on the ceiling I’ve been afraid we would walk under one and you would kiss me. And it’s not that I don’t like kissing _you_ , it’s just that I’ve come to realize I don’t like kissing in general. I-I didn’t know how to tell you, because I still love you. And I know I’ve said that maybe one day I’ll be ready but lately I’ve been wondering… What… what if” she has trouble swallowing and tears are in her eyes. “W-What if I’m never ready?”

That’s the moment she bursts out in tears. LaF drops the grocery bag out of their hand and hugs her tightly.

“You think I’m going to love you any less, because you don’t like kissing?”

“You still love me?” Perry asks in disbelieve.

“Of course I still love you, you weirdo!” LaFontaine says while holding her even more tightly.  “I was so afraid you stopped loving _me_.”

“Never” she says as she finally embraces them back.

Even after their hug they still don’t let go of each other, because it feels fantastic to finally be able to hold one another after a week of ignoring each other.

“Please remember this, I don’t care how I spend my life, as long as I can spend it with you, okay?”

Perry nods and she will probably start crying again, but this time it will be out of happiness.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean it – and I just love you so much, but I didn’t know how to tell you _how_ I love you, because it’s just. A bit… weird.”

“What do you always say, Perr? A lot of problems can be solved through –“

“Good communication”, she finishes the sentence. She sniffles and a smile curls up on her face. “I should listen to my own advice.”

“Yeah, you should.”

LaF looks Perry in the eyes and has the biggest smile on their face. They kiss her nose, because it would be a crime not to show this adorable control-freak how much they love her.

“Was that okay?”

Perry nods. “Yeah. My face is fine. Just not my lips, maybe a peck sometimes - I guess… I don’t really know yet, honey.”

They smile. “Noted.”

“Please never cut me out of your life like that ever again. I felt horrible. Laura even thought I started dating JP.”

Perry laughs. “She what?”

“Don’t ask.”

They both start laughing.

LaF sighs in relieve. “God, I missed this.”

“Me too.”

“Shall we go back to our room and snuggle up in a blanket with some hot cocoa?” They say as they interlock hands with each other.

“I made brownies.”

“Of course you did.”

 

There were another nine mistletoes on the way back to their room. They hugged under every single one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> \- English isn’t my native language. If I made any mistakes please message me!  
> \- Did I accidentally mess up LaF’s pronouns? Spritz me with some water and correct me!  
> \- Apologies for twisting the canon LaF/JP-thing (I'll go down with the LaFerry-ship)  
> \- In the original post on my tumblr I disclosed a personal note about why I created this fic. If you want to read it you can copy this link: http://bannedfromzoos(.)tumblr(.)com/post/105375283630/i-queerplatonically-love-you-rating-general-word


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